Family on the Edge

Nothing like a high school reunion to take you back in time. Certainly it’s an opportunity to revisit your teen years, however, this time standing from a now experienced-filled wisdom of sorts.  As I reflect the weekend visit back to Roseville where I went to my Oakmont High School reunion, many thoughts cross my mind. Besides the fun it was to see faces from the past, it also reminded me of the many insecurities I held back then. I remembered my desire and quest to fit in with certain crowds, wishing I had boyfriends like all the popular girls, and my lack of self esteem by never feeling quite “enough”. I look back at those memories with a knowing smile today. In fact, I look back with an understanding that all those insecurities were required for my own rite of passage to my “becoming”.  Those years certainly had its painful stages. But what I do know is that it was worth the journey to get to where I am today. I am grateful for every uncomfortable, uncertain, unsettled feelings I held because it was necessary to experience in order to know what I must overcome.

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The word that stands out for me at this moment is RESILIENCE.  I work at always finding the nugget of wisdom in every uncomfortable and challenging situation. It is what has gotten me here today and what I continue to practice because it works for me.

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I loved reconnecting with girlfriends who provided me the acceptance and fun during those early years. Thanks to each of you for being there. I wish you continued inner strength, resilience and joy (esp, you PK).

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A couple of nights ago I had a wonderful dream. My grandpa visited me.

My Grandpa Yamane (Dad’s father) passed away when I was a senior in high school. It’s hard to explain but years since his death, I have felt a kind of connection with him.  I’ve had a number of dreams about him over the many years so in some ways, I feel like he is with me. The latest dream I had was a couple of nights ago.

What made this recent dream so special was in it I knew he had passed away.  I saw him and was so happy to see his smiling face. I asked him how he was. He was dressed in a suit (just like the one in the photo below). I felt so close to him, a kind of connection hard to describe. I asked him how he was. And he knew I was really asking, “What’s it like to be in the afterlife?”  I don’t remember any specific words he said, but remember this very warm, peaceful, assuring smile on his face. When I awoke from it, I lay there wanting to remember everything I could about the dream. Slowly a smile came over me, a very calm feeling within, and specifically, the concept of death held no fear for me.

Carol's Grandpa, Ellis Sadao Yamane

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For those close to me, you know I have been on my own spiritual journey for a while. And all I can say is it has been extraordinarily fulfilling for me. There’s a kind of  understanding I feel within as I practice daily gratitude, more patience and compassion of others, acceptance and respect for others on their own unique life journey.

I strongly believe our purpose “here” is to find love, joy, and a kind of peace that begins from within. And if we are so fortunate, we carry that on to our next “adventure”, wherever that may be.  I believe all individuals we cross paths with are teachers and every situation presents varied and invaluable life lessons.  And if we choose to receive them in this way, it allows us to make ongoing discoveries to that end. And so even in my dreams, where my Grandpa visits me every once in a while, I am grateful for what he wants to share and teach me.

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Sometimes the best gift a father can receive is when his daughter wants to spend time with him on Father’s Day.

Chris and Allison - Father's Day 2010

My hope for all fathers is that you realize how important you are in the life of your child, young or old. What you think of them, how you accept them as they are, how you support them through their young life challenges… these are some of the building blocks for a strong and life-long relationship.

Happy Father’s Day to all those wonderful dads out there.

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Meeting Paola Gianturco

What a privilege it was to meet author, photojournalist Paola Gianturco who presented her latest book, Women Who Light the Dark. Paola came to The Third Place in Los Altos on Tuesday, May 18th. Her current book (on the right in photo) features her powerful and heartwarming stories of women in fifteen different countries she had visited. This is Paola’s fourth book documenting the lives of women around the world. She will be giving 100% of her author royalties for this book to The Global Fund for Women, which advocates for and defends women’s human rights by making grants to support women-run groups around the world. Learn more about Paola and her amazing work here.

I purchased her book, Women Who Light the Dark for my mother-in-law, Arlene. For anyone who knows her, it’s perfect. She is bright, active, and loves to travel the world. She is respectful and so accepting of life journeys. If anyone can “light the dark”, it’s Arlene. (Photo below with her granddaughter, my daughter, Allison.)

Arlene and Allison 2009

I also purchased Viva Colores!: A Salute to the Indomitable People of Guatemala for Maritere, my father-in-law Yates’ wife. Mari is a lovely woman. She, like Arlene, is a world traveler. Mari is a voracious reader and trilingual (Spanish, English and Italian). When she’s not busy working, you’ll find her doing translation work or consumed in learning anything and everything!

Yates & Mari, Christmas 2009

I invite you to acknowledge those women in your own life who are role models and carry their own light within. I just did.

We hosted an intimate group of wonderful women on Saturday, May 1st at our Back2Me Workshop. It was a full day of insights and connections.

As one participant shared with us the next day: Thank you both for leading us in such an empowering experience as we shared our journeys.  The impact of the workshop is finally starting to saturate my consciousness.  I began to review your comprehensive packet this morning (what a wealth of valuable insights!!) As for whether the workshop was what I expected–my initial answer on the questionnaire of “YES” is still true but it was also more than I expected to gain from the knowledge.   Today, I feel like I’ve been given a clean bill of mental health.  Tomorrow, I will always have your wonderful packet as a constant reference whenever I begin to “stumble” along the path of living as my “authentic self.”  I love my memories, especially of our time spent together yesterday, and I enjoyed every moment while I experienced it, and I will carry the value of your awesome  workshop with me on into the future! (J. Lum, Campbell)

It is always such a privilege to work with women who are in search of finding their authentic and true selves. Women who are ready to ask, “Who am I today?” and who leave the workshop with an increased awareness of acceptance, understanding and insight.

Real vision comes not from what we see in the past or the future; it emerges from what we see within.– Marianne Williamson

Our next Back2Me workshop will be held in the fall later this year.

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Okay, so I’m still on my little “creative” journey here trying different things. My latest? Making cards! I’m having so much fun as it allows me to merge my yearnings to be creative and my love to connect with people. Here are a few samples:

Special occasion cards

Believe, Breathe, Hope

Gratitude

And the cards I love making are the ones where I am sending my own special message. The following is a card I made for my niece away at college. First is the front of card followed by inside message.

Sometimes You Must Take a Leap of Faith &

Trust What Life Has in Store for You

What I know is the joy I feel when I am able to express myself in ways that lets people know I really do care about them… that I appreciate them in my life. And it’s a bonus that I am able to put some of my own creativity into the cardmaking process. My other thought is this… I heartily believe that making someone feel special is a wonderful gift to share of yourself. Hope this inspires you to send a greeting to someone you care about!

And if you are someone who wants to send out cards professionally and needs a great way to do that consistently, with ease and at a low cost, visit my friend Patti Glick’s site, Hand to Hand Contact, helping caring folks keep in touch. You can pick from thousands of cards, type out your own message (in your own handwriting if you choose!) and the service sends your card right then and there or on the date you choose. It arrives by “snail mail” and  you’ve just made someone’s day! Take a look at her site and feel free to contact her if you have any questions about this service, even how to grow your own business from it.

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Do you ever get that feeling? A strong pull towards creativity… whatever and however that might look or feel for you?

I am definitely in that “pull”. It’s been brewing for a couple of months and I’ve been doing a lot of  inner “work” to help me navigate through the emotions I’ve been having because of it. It’s not a new feeling at all. It’s something that I’ve felt numerous times in my life and yet never allowed myself to fully explore. There are so many signs I’ve been getting from the Universe that this time I’m not ignoring them.

To help me, I’ve committed myself to “morning pages”… a journaling process  that Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way recommends. (Thank you so much Talin!) And all I can say is, “WOW…..” That process in itself has been so amazing for me! Combine that with the online course I’m taking called “How to Awaken Your Spirit” by Suzanne Giesemann and “DOUBLE WOW…” Let me also warn, along with all this journaling comes a lot of uncomfortable feelings for me too! But for now, I’m okay just to sit in that unknown.

The Law of Attraction is certainly taking place for me. Over this past week creative individuals are crossing my path whom I know are presented to me for a reason. I also accidentally came across this online 20-min talk by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) on the topic of nurturing your creativity. If you’re at all intrigued, you MUST make the time and watch her here on TED.com!

In the meantime, here’s a project I started a few days ago. I’m thoroughly loving it!

Color Bursts

I’m still not sure what I’m going to do with these but for now, I’m just enjoying the process of making them and how it makes me feel.

Just got this photo from my sister-in-law, Lydia.  It’s of my father-in-law Yates who is turning 75 years “young” tomorrow. He’s on a zip line at Lydia’s home. How could a photo like this not make anyone smile???

Yates on a Zip Line

I am one of the fortunate ones. I married into a wonderful family. As I wish my father-in-law a happy birthday, it’s a perfect opportunity to also express  how special he is to me. I remember over 10 years ago when just the two of us were sitting around my kitchen table. It has always been easy for me to chat with Yates. In particular, to talk about personal feelings of life and relationships. On that day we spoke about my interest in a new career. And at the time, it was to pursue some kind of counseling. I must have sounded wishy washy about my intent because he said something to the effect, “Carol, you’re not getting any younger! If you’re gonna do this, you better get moving!” He even said he would be willing to help pay for my schooling.

I will always be grateful to him for that conversation long ago. More specifically, the confidence that he believed in me.  That belief is one that gave me the push to move onward. It is one of the many things that has led me to where I am today. Yates is a loving father, father-in-law and grandfather. My wish for him is that he know how loved he is by each and every one of us. Thank you, Yates, for believing in each of us as you have… and equally important for your ability to still play and have fun!

Happy Birthday, Yates!

P.S., Lydia, thanks for sharing this photo with our family!

There seems to be a pattern for me during the holiday season. That is, it always puts me in a very reflective mood. I’ve learned it’s because I actually am able to slow my life down enough to BE more than DO. And from that, I have spent the past few weeks journaling, which always allows me to discover more within. My musings for today… I fully embrace and appreciate all the “roles” I am in people’s lives. Here are a few:

I am a daughter to Natsuye (age 80!)

and my dad, Ed (not pictured) (age 84)

I am a sister to brother Craig and I am a twin to Cindy…

I am a wife to  Chris… 

I am a friend to Chloe…

 I am a mother to Allison …

I am a mother to Ryan…

I am a friend and business partner to Lisa… 

Yes, I am woman of many roles, a few mentioned above. What I know is my life is so full and I feel so loved. In my moments when I ask the big questions:

Am I enough?

What is my purpose?

Is there more?

The answer becomes so clear when I allow myself to sit quietly and reflect on my life and what matters most to me. I read a great quote over the holidays. It is, The richest person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least. It is so clear, crystal clear (!) to me that there is nothing more I could ask for in my life today. I am surrounded by love and am in continual gratitude for it. I am a very “rich” woman, indeed.

Creating Your Holiday Intentions

I don’t know about you, but I tend to get a little anxious over the holiday season, especially if our

household is the one hosting one of the large family gatherings. I form these expectations that it

“should” be a certain way, I put pressure on that it’s my responsibility that everyone enjoys

themselves, and that things have to look “holiday perfect”. I could go on and on. Logically I know I’m

putting pressure on myself for things I really have no control over.

Is it possible to get a hold of that discomfort and do differently? How does one change the

expectations they create that just don’ serve them in any way? As coaches we know it’s possible, but it

takes work with the support of a structure. I created an exercise to help coach myself through what

resulted in a tool I use and one I’ve shared with many others that really does work!

Last year, two weeks before Thanksgiving, I took out my journal and created My Thanksgiving DayIntentions. (You can do this for any holiday or event,) I remembered the book, “The 7

Habits of Highly Effective People”, written by Stephen Covey and one of his principles is to “Begin with an End in Mind”. So with that, I asked myself, Beginning with an end in mind, what

kind of holidayexperience do I want to create for myself?”

My answers included:

~ To feel as stress free as possible

~ To share responsibilities and trust that others will lend support

~ To create a warm, enjoyable environment

~ To show love and feel connection

~ To have fun, laughter and lightheartedness

Next, I asked myself, “How will I make this happen?” (And I was clear and detailed answering this)

~ Prepare as much as I can before the guests arrive

~ Let go of the need to control everything

~ Ask for help when I need it

~ Stop to make eye contact when speaking with each person

~ Carry myself with grace and gratitude

~ Put people first vs. the need to control the environment

~ Enjoy the day as if it were my last

Next, “What do I want by the end of the weekend?” (Specifically, what did I want to feel for myself?)

~ To know I did my best to honor my intentions

~ Know I made the effort to enjoy time with each person

~ To have mental snapshots of a stress-free, relaxed “me”

~ To see that my family enjoyed themselves and they noticed that I did as well

~ To share my moments of love & gratitude toward my husband and kids

And finally, “What can I do to support my intentions?” (I was specific in my own actions here)

~ Read my journal the week before Thanksgiving

~ Read my journal the night before

~ Share my intentions with my husband and two kids

~ Anchor: Wear Mom’s ring she gave me which represents and reminds me of her optimism and

positive outlook to carry throughout the day.

This exercise works really well because it becomes a detailed blueprint. It allows you to sit and really

ponder what the holidays mean to you and what you want to experience for yourself. Take the time to

try this process today as we approach our Thanksgiving Holiday. I have already and honestly feel less

stressed!